Back Again

Yeah, I know I haven't been on here in forever.
For that, I appologze.
Its just a lot has happend.
School finally started, and its actually been good this year.
Its not like all the other years in school.
Oh no, its actually not shitty.

Well, lemmie go back and explain some things.
Tyler, and I broke up because I was tired of his immatureness.
Then I wound up dating Johnny again.
Oh it worked out for a while no doubt!
I really fell for him this time, and I hate it.

I mean it was perfect..at least for the most part.
I just hid my depression from him.
I did all that I could to hide my depression from him.
I didn't want him to feel bad.

We wound up breaking up recently.
Now I'm semi with this guy in real life named Chris.
I know that sounds whoreish to go for someone right after one leaves.
Its just...I've never had a guy in real life notice me at all.
He actually thinks im attractive, and he likes kissing me.
Its not one of those things where he feels like has to do anything.
I just hope hes not using me for sex.
It is easy to get a girl to fall for you.
Maybe I need to stop being so easy.
Hes so fucking cute, and sweet and funny and >
At the same time that this is going I still feel bad about Johnny.
I still have feelings for him, and I do care about him more then I should.
I wonder if he would really hurt himself..?
I hope not..
I really fucking hope not.
I don't know what Iwould do if he ever did do anything stupid.


This morning was really messed up.
Dad wants me back at the counsler, moms being a natzi, and she will only let me see Chris twice a week at his house.
THATS NOT FAIR AT ALL.
The only happiness I have had in years gets taken away.
My depression was gone completely.
Now, they have to ruin it, and bring it back.
What did I possibly do to make them worried?
Besides the fact that everyone in my family got knocked up?
Am I supposed to be the same?
No, I plan on having sex whenever I'm at least 18.
See, if a guy has enough feelings for me to wait that long then I know it'll be okay.
That, and NO BABIES :D!
Well at least not yet..
I do want my baby Isabella Marie.
Just not yet though.

I just wish they would trust me more.
Its really irritating that they want me locked up in the house all damned day!!
I loved spending time with him at the park, and at his house.
I want to get to know him more.
I has questions that I want answers too.
I'll get them one way or another.


As bad as this sounds my experiment to see how to get a guy to stay worked.
Trust is the key thing that makes a person not want to leave.
Simply make that person think they need you.
If they have it implanted in there mind that they need you, then they wont leave.
It worked so well, and I kind of regret that it worked.
Of course to earn trust, you must give trust.

Write later maybe.
♥

Jealousy

Well I guess its that time again.
I can't stop being jealous of her.
Everyone likes her.
I mean everyone.
All because of her voice.
I even used to like her...

Sometimes, I want to shout "Just go date her."
Then I realized how much I'd regret doing so.
I love him...so much.
Him as in Tyler, my boyfriend.
I'm just scared.


I kind of ask myself was giving him another chance a good thing?
He said he would change...
but instead of being all clingy with Hayley, hes clingy with Alex.
I just don't know.
Maybe things will change over time.
Just maybe.

I know I don't write a lot on here, but that's just because I usually pick the wrong times to write.

Whys It Matter?

So for some ODD reason what I do involves everyone.
Yes, I'm dating him again.
I'm giving him another chance.
I'm tired of hearing every ones bullshit.

No I didn't steal him from you.
I knew him first, dated him first, loved him first, and he loved me first.
He doesn't even like you like that.
Only reason he flirted with you was to get you to stop.
Didn't work though.
And I knew it wouldn't.
So don't bitch at me and act like a complete douche because you cannot get your way.

***Towards New Person***
It shouldn't matter who I don't to you.
You left me because I made a mistake.
I understood that.
Now you left because I'm dating someone.
You say that I'll never change?
The reason I fucking changed in the beginning was because of Tyler, You, then Johnny.
Don't get mad at me because I decided to let him make up for his mistake.
Even though you wouldn't let me make up for mine.

Its just irritating how everyone gets into it.
People deserve second chances.
So please, do me a favor, stay out of my relationship.

Interesting

So today, and last night have been weird.
I'm still confused on what I want.
To be single, to date?
Which is the best?

I'm afraid to date because I don't want to get hurt.
I'm afraid of being single because I hate being alone.
I know, I'm not completely alone.
Its just I need someone to love.
You can't love your friends the same way you love your lover.

I just don't know.
I wish I knew though.
It bothers me.

Last night I was told that no matter what, nothing in this world matters.
That everything is just pain, and suffering.
I half way believe that.
I half way don't.

There are good things in this life.
There just hard to obtain, and keep.
I don't know what to do, but wait.

BuddyPoke Videos

So I used to make a lot of videos when I was younger.
It was just a really fun thing for me to do!
I decided to start doing it again.
Its just really fun, and alot of my friends like them.

I used to upload them to my youtube account.
rosalie789 - acount.
Then I forgot my password.

So I now upload them to facebook.
See, today theres not a lot to blog about.
Well, at least now.

Oh, but lastnight I was up until three AM because my gums hurt.
I hate dentists.. so much.

MallTrip!!

Okay so I am amazing proud of this new outfit I got.

I have always wanted something like this for a long time.
Also take note of the hat.

The hat is sexy.

Anyways, I enjoyed this mall trip also because I got to spend time with my mother.

It was really fun actually.

I wish I could spend time with my mother more often.

Oh yeah, see we were going to go to the touching center, but we went to the mall instead.

I also got some hello kitty stuff.

<33 Ah, I love hello kitty so much.
So my mall trip was very interesting actually.

We also got some gifts for my older sister Michele's baby shower.

She is having a wonderful baby boy.

Thats all I can type for now.

My mom and brother are getting irritated with the typing sounds.

Dream

I had a dream last night that I was taken to a hospital because I got so sick.
Kind of like what I had in Lebanon, except it was something deathly.
Then the Nurse asked, "Who makes me the happiest?". I told her my Uncle Robbie.
So she took my cell phone, and found his number.
She called it on the hospital mobile phone.
Once he answered, she told him what was going on.
Saying she called because I said he makes me happiest and she thought I needed to be happier to get better.

She then handed the phone to me, and we talked.
We talked just like before.
Then he said he was coming to see me.

Three days later, he came and it made me just feel alive.
I liked seeing him.
Even in my dreams was alright.
If only that happend in real life..