Jealousy

Well I guess its that time again.
I can't stop being jealous of her.
Everyone likes her.
I mean everyone.
All because of her voice.
I even used to like her...

Sometimes, I want to shout "Just go date her."
Then I realized how much I'd regret doing so.
I love him...so much.
Him as in Tyler, my boyfriend.
I'm just scared.


I kind of ask myself was giving him another chance a good thing?
He said he would change...
but instead of being all clingy with Hayley, hes clingy with Alex.
I just don't know.
Maybe things will change over time.
Just maybe.

I know I don't write a lot on here, but that's just because I usually pick the wrong times to write.

Whys It Matter?

So for some ODD reason what I do involves everyone.
Yes, I'm dating him again.
I'm giving him another chance.
I'm tired of hearing every ones bullshit.

No I didn't steal him from you.
I knew him first, dated him first, loved him first, and he loved me first.
He doesn't even like you like that.
Only reason he flirted with you was to get you to stop.
Didn't work though.
And I knew it wouldn't.
So don't bitch at me and act like a complete douche because you cannot get your way.

***Towards New Person***
It shouldn't matter who I don't to you.
You left me because I made a mistake.
I understood that.
Now you left because I'm dating someone.
You say that I'll never change?
The reason I fucking changed in the beginning was because of Tyler, You, then Johnny.
Don't get mad at me because I decided to let him make up for his mistake.
Even though you wouldn't let me make up for mine.

Its just irritating how everyone gets into it.
People deserve second chances.
So please, do me a favor, stay out of my relationship.

Interesting

So today, and last night have been weird.
I'm still confused on what I want.
To be single, to date?
Which is the best?

I'm afraid to date because I don't want to get hurt.
I'm afraid of being single because I hate being alone.
I know, I'm not completely alone.
Its just I need someone to love.
You can't love your friends the same way you love your lover.

I just don't know.
I wish I knew though.
It bothers me.

Last night I was told that no matter what, nothing in this world matters.
That everything is just pain, and suffering.
I half way believe that.
I half way don't.

There are good things in this life.
There just hard to obtain, and keep.
I don't know what to do, but wait.

BuddyPoke Videos

So I used to make a lot of videos when I was younger.
It was just a really fun thing for me to do!
I decided to start doing it again.
Its just really fun, and alot of my friends like them.

I used to upload them to my youtube account.
rosalie789 - acount.
Then I forgot my password.

So I now upload them to facebook.
See, today theres not a lot to blog about.
Well, at least now.

Oh, but lastnight I was up until three AM because my gums hurt.
I hate dentists.. so much.

MallTrip!!

Okay so I am amazing proud of this new outfit I got.

I have always wanted something like this for a long time.
Also take note of the hat.

The hat is sexy.

Anyways, I enjoyed this mall trip also because I got to spend time with my mother.

It was really fun actually.

I wish I could spend time with my mother more often.

Oh yeah, see we were going to go to the touching center, but we went to the mall instead.

I also got some hello kitty stuff.

<33 Ah, I love hello kitty so much.
So my mall trip was very interesting actually.

We also got some gifts for my older sister Michele's baby shower.

She is having a wonderful baby boy.

Thats all I can type for now.

My mom and brother are getting irritated with the typing sounds.

Dream

I had a dream last night that I was taken to a hospital because I got so sick.
Kind of like what I had in Lebanon, except it was something deathly.
Then the Nurse asked, "Who makes me the happiest?". I told her my Uncle Robbie.
So she took my cell phone, and found his number.
She called it on the hospital mobile phone.
Once he answered, she told him what was going on.
Saying she called because I said he makes me happiest and she thought I needed to be happier to get better.

She then handed the phone to me, and we talked.
We talked just like before.
Then he said he was coming to see me.

Three days later, he came and it made me just feel alive.
I liked seeing him.
Even in my dreams was alright.
If only that happend in real life..

MMO

This is my dork side.
I love RPG games.
I've played a lot actually.
Luna, RoseOnline, Flyff, Mabi, Twelve Sky,
MapleStory, and now Aika.

All of them are fun to play with friends.
They can get boring after awhile though.
Actually, this is how I spent my whole day.
Playing Aika helped me get things off my mind.

I take a lot of games now very seriously.
If I'm in my zone, do not mess with me.

There really isn't much to talk about today though.
Nothing too exciting happend.
Oh, but tomarrow I plan to go to this Discovery Center.
I love how my mom described it.
"Whatever you touch, something will happen!"

Plastic Smiles

If you don't act like your happy all the time, people will question you.
I don't act happy all the time.
Sometimes I actually am happy.
Sometimes though, I'm not.

I just miss my Uncle Robbie.
I hate how I didn't listen to him.
I love how I told Johnny I regret not listening to Robert.
Not just Robert though.
Its everyone actually.
I should have listened.

Why didn't I act happy around him all the time instead?
No, I had to break down to him.

Everything has just changed way too much.
I want it back..
I want it all back..

Suicide.

Ever think of it?
I know I have.
I've thought of it a lot recently.

If you can't fix the mistakes that haunt you; why should you stick around?
I told Johnny not to say his name.
Whats he do?
Repeat it.
Over, and over and over until I'm in tears.

I have been over you.
I hope you and your wonderful girlfriend live happily ever after.
Better yet, I hope she makes you see who you are.
How you really treat people.
I hope you treat her exactly how you treated me.
Maybe she'll be smarter then I was.

Because of you I have lost someone so close to me.
Robert was one of the closest people to me.
It fucking kills me to not hear him.
I shouldn't have came to him.
I should have ignored him when he said to give him space.
Why didn't I do that?
Why did I push him away?

So yes, suicide has been on my mind.
The girl in my story gave me a lovely idea.
Sleeping pills, and a bath tub full of water.
Easier said than done though.

I think about what it would be like to die.
Would there be darkness?
Would it be light?
Would I just be a ghost?
Haunting some person so they don't make the same mistakes.

I'm scared to be honest.
That, and Alex gave me a thought to think about.
I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.
Then again, who would get hurt.
Lately it seems as if no body really likes me anymore.
So why honestly bother?

Sure, I have had my happy moments.
That doesn't mean I don't break down like this morning.
Like when you just HAD to call me, just HAD to fucking push it then leave me there.
Thank you for telling me everything was a fucking lie.
Thank you for giving me the push to try to drug myself.
Only reason It wasn't as bad as the other times was because my little sister Lachelle came in.
She kept telling me not to cry.
To be quiet.
That it would all be okay.
She kept cuddling me and wiping my eyes.
I miss my little sister at times.

He told me not to do anything, or I'd regret it.
I already regret everything else.
So whats the point?
I can't stand this haunting over me...
Its the last thing on my mind every night.
First thing on my mind every morning.
The reason I keep trying to put myself back to sleep.

Your right.
I DID think of you as my knight.
I thought of you as my Uncle Robbie,
my brother, my best friend,
I thought of you as my everything.
Friendly, lovingly, and inspriationally,
You inspired me as well.

I would do anything to just make it up.
To make everything okay.
I can't though.
All I had to do was sit down, and think before I opened my mouth!

Everything you have ever said to me still haunts me as well.
I shouldn't have let you go...
You said you would be happier though.
I guess you are happier.
I didn't do anything for you anyways.
I was just there.

I half wish I could send the dresses back.
Or at least pay you your money back.
I don't deserve them.
Yet, there still hanging there in my closet,
Reminding me of you.

I guess to end this long entry.
I love you Uncle Robbie.
I'm sorry I pushed you away.
I thought you left, I also thought you wanted space,
I thought you wanted me gone.
So I gave up.

That mistake will always haunt me.
And honestly, I'd rather die then remember it everyday.

Relationships

Lately I've been single.
My boyfriend broke up with me near the end of May.


See, throughout all my relationships its all ended after a few months.
Someones changed, somethings happened.
Someone new appeared.
Those things happen so no way to avoid them.

Last night Aaron, and I had a lot of fun though!
We used our own bodies as canvases!
It was so much fun.


Depressing side of this though.
Relationships are not just love relationships.
They are also friend relationships.
So I guess you have to treat both the same way.
If you mess up you have to make it up some how.

I get attached to people so easily.
I'm attached to Robert, whose is my friend.
Well, was my friend.
Was a lot more then my friend.
He was my Uncle Robbie.
Not my real uncle, no heavens no!
My best friend.

I'm also attached to Tyler my ex.
I feel bad for not letting him make up that mistake.
Its too late now though.
He's with Talia, and I with Aaron.

I don't want to be a disturbance in his relationship.
I don't want to be the girl that "stole" that guy.
I forgive him completely now though.
I feel like such a hypocrite.

All an all,
I guess you have to learn to value your relationships.

Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes.
If we didn't, how else would we learn?
Ever since I was little I've been told you could always fix a mistake.
I would like to tell you that that is a lie.

When your a little kid if you break a vase, and say sorry its okay.
If you knock someone over, and say sorry with a big hug its okay.
When your past the age of ten though if you do something wrong, and say sorry they call you a liar.

I've made a lot of mistakes.
All the big ones I have yet to make up for.
Actually, its impossible to make them up.
If someone leaves you there gone.
You can beg all you want.
Your only humiliating yourself.

Now a days you must be perfect.
One little slip of the tounge will change your life.
One little nudge and someones gone.
Something always happens with every move you make.

Why do we all put up with this?
What ever happend to forgive, and forget?

First Post.

So I guess I would like to introduce myself.
My name is Rosalie, and I'm a confused little fourteen year old girl.
I make mistakes like any other human being.
I have secrets, and stories that I would like to tell.
I'm a computer addict, and a writer.
I can get easily paranoid, and easily depressed.
Like any other girl, I wish to find true love.
I've been heartbroken, lied to, and cheated on.
I've broken hearts, lied, and have cheated.
We all get hurt.
And we all hurt.
Everyone has a reason for doing things.
So I'd like to share my reasons.
I'd like to hear your reasons too.