Suicide.

Ever think of it?
I know I have.
I've thought of it a lot recently.

If you can't fix the mistakes that haunt you; why should you stick around?
I told Johnny not to say his name.
Whats he do?
Repeat it.
Over, and over and over until I'm in tears.

I have been over you.
I hope you and your wonderful girlfriend live happily ever after.
Better yet, I hope she makes you see who you are.
How you really treat people.
I hope you treat her exactly how you treated me.
Maybe she'll be smarter then I was.

Because of you I have lost someone so close to me.
Robert was one of the closest people to me.
It fucking kills me to not hear him.
I shouldn't have came to him.
I should have ignored him when he said to give him space.
Why didn't I do that?
Why did I push him away?

So yes, suicide has been on my mind.
The girl in my story gave me a lovely idea.
Sleeping pills, and a bath tub full of water.
Easier said than done though.

I think about what it would be like to die.
Would there be darkness?
Would it be light?
Would I just be a ghost?
Haunting some person so they don't make the same mistakes.

I'm scared to be honest.
That, and Alex gave me a thought to think about.
I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.
Then again, who would get hurt.
Lately it seems as if no body really likes me anymore.
So why honestly bother?

Sure, I have had my happy moments.
That doesn't mean I don't break down like this morning.
Like when you just HAD to call me, just HAD to fucking push it then leave me there.
Thank you for telling me everything was a fucking lie.
Thank you for giving me the push to try to drug myself.
Only reason It wasn't as bad as the other times was because my little sister Lachelle came in.
She kept telling me not to cry.
To be quiet.
That it would all be okay.
She kept cuddling me and wiping my eyes.
I miss my little sister at times.

He told me not to do anything, or I'd regret it.
I already regret everything else.
So whats the point?
I can't stand this haunting over me...
Its the last thing on my mind every night.
First thing on my mind every morning.
The reason I keep trying to put myself back to sleep.

Your right.
I DID think of you as my knight.
I thought of you as my Uncle Robbie,
my brother, my best friend,
I thought of you as my everything.
Friendly, lovingly, and inspriationally,
You inspired me as well.

I would do anything to just make it up.
To make everything okay.
I can't though.
All I had to do was sit down, and think before I opened my mouth!

Everything you have ever said to me still haunts me as well.
I shouldn't have let you go...
You said you would be happier though.
I guess you are happier.
I didn't do anything for you anyways.
I was just there.

I half wish I could send the dresses back.
Or at least pay you your money back.
I don't deserve them.
Yet, there still hanging there in my closet,
Reminding me of you.

I guess to end this long entry.
I love you Uncle Robbie.
I'm sorry I pushed you away.
I thought you left, I also thought you wanted space,
I thought you wanted me gone.
So I gave up.

That mistake will always haunt me.
And honestly, I'd rather die then remember it everyday.

Relationships

Lately I've been single.
My boyfriend broke up with me near the end of May.


See, throughout all my relationships its all ended after a few months.
Someones changed, somethings happened.
Someone new appeared.
Those things happen so no way to avoid them.

Last night Aaron, and I had a lot of fun though!
We used our own bodies as canvases!
It was so much fun.


Depressing side of this though.
Relationships are not just love relationships.
They are also friend relationships.
So I guess you have to treat both the same way.
If you mess up you have to make it up some how.

I get attached to people so easily.
I'm attached to Robert, whose is my friend.
Well, was my friend.
Was a lot more then my friend.
He was my Uncle Robbie.
Not my real uncle, no heavens no!
My best friend.

I'm also attached to Tyler my ex.
I feel bad for not letting him make up that mistake.
Its too late now though.
He's with Talia, and I with Aaron.

I don't want to be a disturbance in his relationship.
I don't want to be the girl that "stole" that guy.
I forgive him completely now though.
I feel like such a hypocrite.

All an all,
I guess you have to learn to value your relationships.

Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes.
If we didn't, how else would we learn?
Ever since I was little I've been told you could always fix a mistake.
I would like to tell you that that is a lie.

When your a little kid if you break a vase, and say sorry its okay.
If you knock someone over, and say sorry with a big hug its okay.
When your past the age of ten though if you do something wrong, and say sorry they call you a liar.

I've made a lot of mistakes.
All the big ones I have yet to make up for.
Actually, its impossible to make them up.
If someone leaves you there gone.
You can beg all you want.
Your only humiliating yourself.

Now a days you must be perfect.
One little slip of the tounge will change your life.
One little nudge and someones gone.
Something always happens with every move you make.

Why do we all put up with this?
What ever happend to forgive, and forget?

First Post.

So I guess I would like to introduce myself.
My name is Rosalie, and I'm a confused little fourteen year old girl.
I make mistakes like any other human being.
I have secrets, and stories that I would like to tell.
I'm a computer addict, and a writer.
I can get easily paranoid, and easily depressed.
Like any other girl, I wish to find true love.
I've been heartbroken, lied to, and cheated on.
I've broken hearts, lied, and have cheated.
We all get hurt.
And we all hurt.
Everyone has a reason for doing things.
So I'd like to share my reasons.
I'd like to hear your reasons too.