Back Again

Yeah, I know I haven't been on here in forever.
For that, I appologze.
Its just a lot has happend.
School finally started, and its actually been good this year.
Its not like all the other years in school.
Oh no, its actually not shitty.

Well, lemmie go back and explain some things.
Tyler, and I broke up because I was tired of his immatureness.
Then I wound up dating Johnny again.
Oh it worked out for a while no doubt!
I really fell for him this time, and I hate it.

I mean it was perfect..at least for the most part.
I just hid my depression from him.
I did all that I could to hide my depression from him.
I didn't want him to feel bad.

We wound up breaking up recently.
Now I'm semi with this guy in real life named Chris.
I know that sounds whoreish to go for someone right after one leaves.
Its just...I've never had a guy in real life notice me at all.
He actually thinks im attractive, and he likes kissing me.
Its not one of those things where he feels like has to do anything.
I just hope hes not using me for sex.
It is easy to get a girl to fall for you.
Maybe I need to stop being so easy.
Hes so fucking cute, and sweet and funny and >
At the same time that this is going I still feel bad about Johnny.
I still have feelings for him, and I do care about him more then I should.
I wonder if he would really hurt himself..?
I hope not..
I really fucking hope not.
I don't know what Iwould do if he ever did do anything stupid.


This morning was really messed up.
Dad wants me back at the counsler, moms being a natzi, and she will only let me see Chris twice a week at his house.
THATS NOT FAIR AT ALL.
The only happiness I have had in years gets taken away.
My depression was gone completely.
Now, they have to ruin it, and bring it back.
What did I possibly do to make them worried?
Besides the fact that everyone in my family got knocked up?
Am I supposed to be the same?
No, I plan on having sex whenever I'm at least 18.
See, if a guy has enough feelings for me to wait that long then I know it'll be okay.
That, and NO BABIES :D!
Well at least not yet..
I do want my baby Isabella Marie.
Just not yet though.

I just wish they would trust me more.
Its really irritating that they want me locked up in the house all damned day!!
I loved spending time with him at the park, and at his house.
I want to get to know him more.
I has questions that I want answers too.
I'll get them one way or another.


As bad as this sounds my experiment to see how to get a guy to stay worked.
Trust is the key thing that makes a person not want to leave.
Simply make that person think they need you.
If they have it implanted in there mind that they need you, then they wont leave.
It worked so well, and I kind of regret that it worked.
Of course to earn trust, you must give trust.

Write later maybe.
♥